Finding Peace and Feeling Hope

Find your own light and inner peace even in times of darkness. Read what has helped me, maybe try them out, and let me know what you think!

This post does not cover any triggering topics.

Life has been so good recently— genuinely good. My mind has been kind to me after years of being tortured. It is an entirely new feeling, like being in a foreign country and not understanding the language. It feels like that moment in a movie when the main character overcomes her battle. There is a happy montage, and she looks up to the sky with the sun hitting her face, her arms happily in the air, slowly spinning in a circle and laughing. That is how I feel. For once in my life, I am the main character with the happy ending. I feel like an entirely different person, and that genuinely brings me to tears. There is a new light at the end of the tunnel— there’s still work to do, no doubt— but there’s a light. Even more that, there is hope. 

When someone asks me what I want to do when I grow up, I see it. I can see my future. It is not a black, empty canvas, but there’s a beautifully illustrated painting with extraordinary colors. I believe these are some things that have led me to the path I’m on now: 

• My family vacation (shout out to the Millers!). As cliche as it sounds, this vacation was life-changing. I made new connections both within myself and with the people around me. I learned how to be more in touch with the universe. I learned how to be more in tune with the energy and emotions around me. I learned about the beliefs I have within myself, what I truly want in life, and most importantly, who I want to be. Because of these amazing conversations and experiences that I shared with my loved ones, I feel so at peace and so much more comfortable in my body and spirit. I have even started a vision board (I’ll post it when I’m finished!). For those of you still stuck in the dark, there is light. I promise you. 
• Being more intentional with my actions. By that, I mean that I am essentially letting go of negativity and stress. I give myself time and space every day to take a break, do deep breathing exercises, and focus on positive things that are happening (a trick my aunt taught me). With each inhale, you breathe in positivity, and with each exhale, you breathe out all negativity. It sounds silly, but it works. 
• The power of manifestation. I know that sounds silly, too, but hear me out. Similar to taking the time to do deep breathing exercises, take the time to just take a break. Take a break from your present life for a moment and focus on your future. Surround yourself with an imaginary circle of sheer positivity, and focus on the future. focus on your dreams— your dream city, your dream home, your dream job, your dream life. When you feel ready, come back to reality and bring that joy, motivation, and hope back with you. Slowly, if a routine process, there will be light again. 

For those of you who may not know what I mean by light, I mean that feeling of weight being lifted off your chest and your shoulders or that feeling you get when you’re with your favorite people laughing at a joke with absolutely no worries in the world. That is light— faithful, constant, and confident hope. Unfortunately, to feel that light, one must feel the darkness. One must face those feelings of hopelessness and utter despair, those feelings of loss and loneliness, and those feelings of giving up. For me, I still struggle to accept that healing is not linear. It is hard for me to be okay with feeling those waves of emotion, such as going from happy one day to sad the next. Sometimes, it is hard to not get lost in the darkness when it appears. The feeling is so comforting when you have lived in it for so long. Without feeling happiness, the sadness with consume you, and eventually, it will feel like home. It is scary to continue healing because now there is something to lose. In a pattern of never feeling happy or having little reason to live, there is absolutely nothing to lose. Now, there is happiness, and that is something to lose.

“Peace” by Sara Teasdale

I recently came across this poem titled “Peace” by Sara Teasdale which I think describes the feeling of peace perfectly. Here it is:

“Peace flows into me
As the tide to the pool by the shore;
It is mine forevermore,
It ebbs not back like the sea.

I am the pool of blue
That worships the vivid sky;
My hopes were heaven-high,
They are all fulfilled in you.

I am the pool of gold
When sunset burns and dies, —
You are my deepening skies,
Give me your stars to hold.”