Move On and Move Forward

It is time to let go of your trauma. It is time to move on and move forward.

If I have learned anything over the summer, it is that it is crucial to be able to let go and move on. Coincidentally, that is also one of the most challenging parts of the healing process. All of my life, I have held on to everything. Every word spoken, every action committed, every memory engraved– is all still in my head. That is a hefty weight to carry. Nineteen years of experiences, both good and bad, sit heavy on my chest, yet, for some reason, I can not seem to let go. While letting go is undoubtedly an ongoing process, I have been able to learn some tricks: 

1. It is not my responsibility. Read that again. It is not my responsibility. Holding on to everything that has happened to me is not my responsibility. The things people have said and done to me are not my responsibility to carry. In most situations, the things that I have experienced were not my fault. Therefore, it is not my responsibility to bear. It is not my guilt and my sorrow to hold. 
2. It is okay to remember, but it is not okay to hold. Similar to reminding myself that it is not my responsibility, it is essential to be patient and have some grace with myself. It is impossible for me to forget everything that has happened to me. However, that does not mean I need to hold this trauma with me for my entire life because it will only continue to weigh me down, which leads to my next point. 
3. I deserve better. I deserve better than to be weighed down by my trauma constantly. In my eyes, all that does is give more power to the person who caused my trauma, and I can confidently say that I deserve better. That person who hurt me no longer has power over me, and to prove that to myself, I need to let go and move on. Karma will do her job, and the only thing I can do right now is continue to grow, become a better version of myself, and prove to everyone who does not believe in me that I will be successful. As conceited as it may sound, I often remind myself that I will be more successful and have a more fulfilling life than those who hurt me. It is a great way to gain that motivation and inspiration to keep fighting, working hard, and growing. 

I know it is not easy, but I would encourage you to learn those three phrases. Memorize them, and use them as part of your daily affirmations.

It has taken me years to realize that I have more power. I have all of the power of my own life. I choose what to do, who to trust, and how I live. That is my decision. In your own life, you get to choose those things. How exciting is that! You have the ability to make your life yours again. Release your trauma. It is not yours to hold. Have grace with yourself. As you are reading this, I want you to take a deep breath in. Inhale nothing but positivity, love, and gratitude. Now, exhale. Release your negativity, your trauma, and your pain. It is not yours to hold. 

The people who know me probably think, “Who is this?” The person I am now is incredibly different from who I was a month ago, but isn’t that the point? Isn’t that what life is about? It reminds me of a post I see frequently while scrolling through Instagram (pictured below).

We are supposed to change. We are supposed to grow. This particular picture reminds me of my mom. When I was growing up, I was so shy. I had limited friends, barely spoke in class, and had an almost unhealthy attachment to my mom. On the hard days, she would tell me, “Kelsey, you are in your cocoon right now, but later, you are going to be such a beautiful butterfly.” When I was young, I never believed her. I never thought I would be where I am today. Even a year ago, I would have never imagined that my life would be like this or that I would learn to love myself so dearly. But, here I am– a beautiful butterfly. Of course, I am still growing, but taking a step back and looking at how much I have changed brings tears to my eyes.

I almost gave up. I almost stopped fighting. I thank the universe every single day that I never did. Had I given up, I would not be going to school to pursue my passion for journalism. I would never have this blog, (hopefully) helping other people deal with their own mental health problems. I would never have made the wonderful, lifelong friends that I have now. I would never have been there to see my baby nephew grow up, and I would never have been there with my family, whose constant love and support truly keep me going. There is always a reason to keep fighting, even if you do not see it right now. Please, do not give up.

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